Retirement Under Stress: Why You Need an Unemotional Third Party
Ever tried debugging code at 2:00 AM after a terrible night’s sleep? You can do it, but your chances of deleting the wrong file or rage-quitting GitHub increase exponentially.
The same thing happens when your mental health is under strain: your brain becomes a less reliable operating system for making good financial decisions.
And the stakes are usually a lot higher than a botched Python script.
The Brain on Stress Is Not a Rational Financial Planner
When you’re anxious, depressed, grieving, overwhelmed, or burned out, your prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for long-term planning and logical decision-making) can go offline. Meanwhile, your amygdala—the part of your brain that handles fear and fight-or-flight reactions—is at the wheel. That’s great for escaping sabertooth tigers, but terrible for deciding whether to rebalance your portfolio or gift $250,000 to your nephew for his “new business idea.”
Here are some examples of how mental health challenges often distort financial judgment:
Anxiety can make you hoard cash irrationally, fearing a financial apocalypse around every corner.
Depression may leave you paralyzed and avoidant, skipping important actions like filing taxes or updating your estate plan.
Grief might compel you to give away large amounts of money impulsively, trying to find meaning or connection through generosity.
ADHD might have you hyperfocusing on optimizing your cable bill while ignoring your RMD* deadline.
PTSD or chronic stress can create hypervigilance—leaving you risk-averse to the point of financial stagnation.
Even otherwise level-headed engineers can go full tinfoil-hat mode when mental health declines. (Ask me how I know.)
The Value of a Third Party Who Isn’t in the Emotional Swamp With You
When your emotions are tangled up in your money decisions, it helps to have a third party who isn’t. Not your spouse, not your buddy, not your adult child—but a qualified, independent advisor whose judgment isn’t clouded by fear, grief, or guilt.
That’s where a fee-only, fiduciary CFP® professional comes in.
A good planner doesn’t just “run the numbers.” They serve as a financial co-pilot who can:
Spot self-sabotaging behaviors with compassion
Remind you of your long-term strategy when you want to throw it out the window
Help you separate what’s urgent from what’s important
Anchor you when headlines or hard times knock you off course
A great planner does all of this AND helps improve a couple’s communication surrounding money, which often helps relieve some of the built up pressure surrounding money issues.
Mental Health Isn’t a Side Issue—It Is the Issue
It’s not uncommon for new clients to come in asking for a tax strategy or retirement income plan, then leave with assigned homework to consider “WHY” before we delve into specific strategies and recommendations. Not because they’re “broken,” but because good financial planning requires clarity of mind. And clarity is hard to find when your mental health is underwater or even a little bit soggy.
If you’ve ever said or thought:
“I don’t trust myself with money right now.”
“I know what to do, but I can’t seem to do it.”
“I made a decision out of fear [or some other scarcity like time, confidence, lack of information, etc] and now I regret it.”
— then you would benefit from support.
Find Your Financial Grounding Point
Whether you’re approaching retirement, navigating a personal/professional loss, or just trying to keep your head above water in a volatile world, it pays to have a steady guide. Not someone who tells you what you want to hear, but someone who tells you what you need to hear using empathy and experience.
If you’re an engineer or love an engineer; live in the Kirkland area; and are looking for an experienced, independent advisor that is comfortable discussing both money and mental health without flinching, let’s talk.
And if you're not ready for that yet? Just know that there are no strings attached.
In the meantime:
Get sleep.
Your future self will thank you.
If you can’t sleep, stop surfing the Internet. Here is a quick checklist of some issues to consider as you approach retirement. Now, try to go to sleep again.
